Dark days, dark books

Have you ever thought about what the titles you pick up are trying to tell you about your subconscious? I never really did until a friend of mine pointed out that I had recently read five books about teen suicide/tragic death and was holding IF I STAY by Gayle Forman as I tried to deny the trend. 

Taking stock of my reading habits this winter, when I was in a rough emotional state myself, was eye opening. I mean, I knew dropping off the face of the planet and not speaking to my best friend for six months were bad signs, as was giving myself a stress ulcer and spending 18 hours a day in my old high school. But in reading, I was gravitating toward really dark books when I'm generally a happy go lucky, give me the fluffy lovely stuff, kind of reader. It was illuminating to see my interests so starkly changed based on my mood. 

Two weeks ago, I got hit by another wave of emotional stress but someone once told me that happiness can be a choice so I picked up a happy book instead of a sad one. I've definitely still got some deep thoughts and a big helping of stress but I feel less passive and more aware of myself and my brain.

Sometimes it's important to take stock and make a change. I'm sure I'll be back to read IF I STAY soon but because I'm craving a Gayle Forman story, not because my brain is trying to tell me something. 

A MAGIC DARK & BRIGHT: A Stunning Debut

Last Tuesday, April 28th, Jenny Perinovic's self-published debut A MAGIC DARK & BRIGHT went out into the world. As one of Jenny's CPs, this book holds a special place in my heart, in many ways I love it like my own. It is a fabulous story of magic, mystery, and love that has turned into a beautifully put together book.

One More Page bookstore in Falls Church, VA held a lovely launch party for Jenny on Wednesday April 29th and I was lucky enough to be able to go. The event was great. There was wine, snacks, and a cake with the book cover printed on it.  Jenny did a spine-chilling reading and answered all our crazy questions. Oh yeah, and she SOLD OUT OF BOOKS! I am so so excited for and proud of Jenny and her blossoming success.

Believe me when I say you need this book in your life. You will fall in love with the secret-filled town of Asylum, the magic of Charlie Blue, the nuances of a centuries old mystery, and the all around fabulousness of Amelia Dupree.

GO BUY IT!

For Kindle
In Paperback (from Amazon)
For Nook 
In Paperback  (from B& N)

BROWN GIRL DREAMING is even better than they said

When I picked up Jacqueline Woodson's BROWN GIRL DREAMING at the library I was apprehensive. I don't always love the things that the larger book world loves including many National Book Award winners. I decided to give it a go anyway and I'm so glad I did.

Woodson uses stunning free verse to take us on a journey, to help us bear witness to a life. I don't think of this book as a story in the traditional sense. It is an experience. The milestones, the family, the religion, the race, the time period. All these things so vivid in her poetry that I feel as though I know her neighborhood, her family, her friends. I could feel the heat of south and hear the rush of the NYC.

When I read a book, I generally walk away with a few big ideas or themes. For this book, that idea was identity. What makes us who we are, and how people, ideas, and places shape our development. I finished the book and I felt more attuned to the world around me and to myself.

My only complaint about this book was that I could'e kept reading. I wanted more of the story. I wanted the next chapter of Woodson's life told in aching poetry that awakes my head and heart together.

If you haven't read this book yet, DO IT NOW! Happy Reading!

xoxox
L.S. Mooney

I recently tried to be social. Hint: the patriarchy wins.

It's #aboutthegirls week and that gives me an excellent excuse to share this ranty post with you. Because while we're sharing the trials and horrors of our childhood, we need to remember that it doesn't always get easier when you grow up. This happened to me LAST WEEK.

In an recent attempt to be social, I went to a bar to see a friend's band play. Also in attendance were several people I went to high school with but who I haven't seen or conversed with in several years. Recently I've been struggling with being socially awkward and very self-conscious about making sure my behavior is socially acceptable. (This is actually an issue I've struggled with off and on for quite some time.) So when one of these guys from high school causally asked for my phone number, I felt too awkward to decline his request even though I had no desire to speak with him outside of chance social encounters.

A few days later, this guy texted me. Very casual, very friendly. I didn't want to respond but I felt like I had to or I was being rude, like I didn't have the right to not talk to him.  

He invited me to a social gathering I was already planning to attend with other friends. I noncommittally said I might be there. At the event we chatted briefly, he asked if I was attending again the following week. I said maybe. I managed to be evasive without being rude. I followed established social rules of conversation. I didn't offend anyone.

The next day he texted me randomly to ask if I'd ever played Settlers of Catan then tried to get me to come over to play right then. I was just leaving grad school so I had a reason not to go but I felt like I would have had to lie if I hadn't been. He then pushed on to ask me to go out for drinks on the weekend. I had plans and said I could not come. Circumstances conspired to provide me with viable excuses.

The weekend rolled around and he texted me asking about my show, like he was interested but he quickly shifted to ask me to join him for drinks, even though I'd already declined. I explained I was out with family. He pushed me to come anyway, saying he'd hoped I'd join his group for video games after and be on his team. I told him I was not a team player and he finally stopped texting me.

I talked to a mutual friend about how annoyed I was that he completely disregarded what I was saying when he wanted me to have a different answer. She agreed that he was being overly persistent. I thought he was being disrespectful and selfish.

I saw him again on Sunday at a social event and he walked right up like it was no big deal. I was cordial but cold. He asked if all my musicals were done and if I'd be free more often. I gave a short answer, purposefully not engaging. He walked away rather awkwardly, finally getting the point. The mutual friend said giving him the cold shoulder was harsh because he's harmless and he had been drunk anyway.

I was taken aback. Being polite but not overly friendly with someone I have no interest in being serious friends let alone anything more with is harsh but his persistence and disrespect is fine because he was drunk? The raging, opinionated 16 year-old self was so outraged she was threatening to explode out of me in completely socially unacceptable ways.

I thought back to the entire exchange with this guy and I was disgusted by the amount of times I played nice, I didn't say what I actually wanted to, or adapted my answers so as not to come off like a bitch. Seriously, where is my agency?

Am I supposed to sleep with the guy, too, just because it's "rude" to say no? Just because he's "harmless"?

I got a guy's number at that bar too and when he said he was busy, I left him alone. If I hadn't, I'd have probably been called a stalker or a creep or a clinger. By this guy is "persistent" and they say it like it's a good thing, like I should be glad someone is willing to put up my silly protestations. Why isn't he a creep and a stalker and a clinger? Why is he harmless? Why am I a bitch for not wanting to associate with him?

I'm seething over here. Still. If this what being social will be like in 2015, screw it. I'll just sit over here and write books about girls who can say no, in societies that let them, with friends who back then up. Because this is bullshit.

I SURVIVED MUSICAL SEASON 2015

For the past three weekends, I have had a musical performance for a show I was involved in. I love love love working on elementary and high school musicals but someone please shoot me if I try to do three in as many weeks every again. 

This season has been full of new responsibilities, new teams, new policies, and all kinds of new drama. There were moments when I thought I wouldn't make it through but I did and my students had a great time. Which is what matters in the end. 

Now that the shows are over and the drama is ebbing, I have free time I don't know what to do with. I still have grad school to keep me busy but I also have tried to get in the groove of dance classes and being social. I even wrote a bit last week! You know, having a balanced existence. HAHAH what is that?

Speaking of writing, I am super excited to get to work on a project that has nothing to do with musicals. I'm really into my story idea and I can't wait to dive right in. Hopefully, I can share some of it with you soon! 

In the mean time, I hope you're all enjoying "spring" however it is manifesting in your geographic area (it's 23 degrees here...).

xoxox

L.S. Mooney

2015

I cannot believe the entire month of January is gone already. There were so many things I wanted to blog about and reflect on and just babble about. Alas, the musical ate my life and I've been busy running rehearsal, building sets, and making period accurate hats for the last month.

Just a few days ago, in a fit of emotion, I felt as though my life had slipped out of my control and that I'm going nowhere, etc. etc. cue nervous breakdown.

However, with a few days distance, I've been reflecting and feeling better about everything. I am moving forward professionally in a grad program that I love- and guest lecturing at my alma mater next month! I have the opportunity to work on two musicals this season with great kids who sometimes feel like my own. I am entering contests and preparing to query my first manuscript.

Basically, I remembered that I'm a badass. #sorrynotsorry

In the spirit of honesty, I also recognized a huge shortcoming. I suck at personal relationships. For those of you who don't know, I broke up with my long term boyfriend this summer (for a lot of reasons) and I'm not really over it. Also- and probably interrelated-  I'm terrible keeping myself open to people when I get busy and stressed. And I'm busy and stressed a good portion of my life. I literally can't remember the last time I saw my best friend.

So, I said being happy in my own way was my biggest resolution for 2015 without really knowing what that would mean. A month into the year, I'm starting to think I might see an unexpected way to make myself a happier person: to share myself with the people I care about. It sounds like a no brainer but it will probably be rocket science to me.

How is 2015 for you so far?

xoxox
L.S. Mooney

Liebster Award

Sarah Kettles, fellow member of TGNA, tagged me to do this ages ago and I have been putting it off because I haven't been writing much. In the last few days, I've had a few spare minutes to write and I feel more ready to answer these questions now.

1. Tell us a little about your WIP. 
LOVE'S GRAVEYARD is a contemporary retelling of the romantic ballet Giselle. 

Elle, a college senior, falls hard for the transfer student without realizing he's still kind of got a girl back home. When her "nice guy" best friend reveals the whole mess in the worst possible way, Elle takes too many sleeping pills and nearly doesn't wake up. As she recovers in the hospital, Elle must make peace with her past if she wants to have a future. But can she forgive the guy who broke her heart in order to save herself?

2. How did you come up with your WIP's title?
I came up with the title LOVES'S GRAVEYARD because the cemetery where the second act of the ballet Giselle takes place is such a huge part of the story. This retelling doesn't end up in a literal cemetery but the hospital and Elle's therapy group there are their own type of graveyard. Once I realized that, the title hit me like a brick to the forehead and I immediately loved it. 

3. What's your favorite type of villain?
The kind who could be the hero of their own story. I used to love flat villains you can easily hate but life isn't really like that and the more I age the more I want my books to reflect that. 

4. What motivates you to write?
My motivation depends on the day but generally it's a simple desire to get a story out of my head and onto paper. More specifically I am motivated by my experiences with teenager students and dancers. 

5. What's the best book you've read in your genre?
Ugh, there are so many good ones! Don't make me pick one. My current favorite is probably Dearest Clementine by Lex Martin. She totally has the college vibe down and the sweet romance. 

6. Share a favorite line/scene from your WIP.
This Elle's lowest point and one of my favorites in the story. 

How could it all have been a lie?

When I set the photo on the end table, too sick and heavy to keep looking at it, I saw the cheesey bouquet of slightly wilted daisies he’d given me a few days ago, just because.

Does a guy give just because flowers to his girl on the side?

My mind felt sluggish to respond, must have been the pills kicking in or maybe just me avoiding an answer I didn’t want to hear. I slowly drew one daisy from the vase and plucked a petal, watching it fall to the floor.

“He loves me,” I whispered.

I plucked another petal.  “He loves me not.”

I finished the whole flower but it ended on “he loves me not” so I picked up another. The whole process was like counting sheep and it started to lull me to sleep. There was a banging on the door but I didn’t get up to open it. The banging continued. So did my little game.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

Just as the door burst open, I pulled the last petal off the last daisy. “He loves me,” I whispered before everything went black.

7. Tell us about your favorite character you've ever written.
I love every single one of my characters but I think my favorite so far was Mirella for GOODBYE, GOOD-GOODY GIRL because she is so flawed yet amazing. She tries to be a good daughter, friend, and performer but she struggles with real issues and questions. She was so fun to write because I didn't feel like she had to be a role model or a hero, she just had to be herself.

8. What is/are your crutch word(s)?
I totally copied Jenny and plugged G4 into wordle. Here is the result: 

9. Are you a plotter or a pantser and why?
I am a huge fan of the outline but I let the details come on their own. Therefore I outline and re-outline at least 10 times a draft. But it works for me. 

10. What is you advice do you have for other authors?
Shut up and love yourself. That's not strictly about writing but I don't think you have to be self-deprecating to be a good writer. I think you have to have confidence and love not only your writing but yourself and your mind and just you. 

Now I tag Alex and Faith. And here are your questions:
1. What are you working on right now?
2. What is your preferred writing program/word processor/etc.?
3. Are you a rule breaker? (AKA do you love or hate adverbs?)
4. If you could write anywhere, where would it be?
5. Share one of your favorite lines/scenes that you've ever written.
6. Do you prefer writing from the 1st or 3rd POV?
7. When did you start writing?
8. How do you feel about short stories?
9. What is you favorite thing about your life as a writer?
10. What are you top do's and don't's of writing, for yourself and others?