March, April, May, June. Four months of occasional late night encounters. Food poisoning, movies in bed, melty man, new sheets, forgotten jewelry. So many encapsulated memories with Adonis. But just when I let myself believe that we had a routine - please note I did not say relationship - the text went unanswered. I let the summer pass and in the fall radio silence continued. I vowed I was done. I moved on...or back but that is a whole different story.
That vow was a lie. On an unseasonably warm night in November I was packing my car for a long weekend trip. It was late but I like driving when there isn't any one else on the road. My phone pinged and it was him. Just a little over a year from that first night, he was emerging from the depths again. I looked at the clock, weighed the social acceptability of being asleep at such a time and gleefully ignored him.
In the sunshine of the next day, I was glowing with the deep powerful feeling of being the one who cares less. And then my phone pinged again. Damn, smells like desperation. That powerful glow intensified but this time I answered. There was a short volley but there was nothing to arrange with me so far away. Despite wanting to be with him again, saying no was empowering in a way I couldn't imagine.
On Monday he texted again. Sorry, I got responsibilities.
On Tuesday. Nope, I'm side hustling.
On Wednesday, I finally said yes.
No comments:
Post a Comment